What I'm about to talk about required the Capt. Picard double facepalm. I'm going to try my best not to bite all of your heads off.
Only some of this will apply to you. I'm trying to respond to a bunch of people at once without using names.
Many of you have been following my experiment and commenting on it here and elsewhere. I'm really surprised by how much push back I'm getting on it. Is the world going to end if I have sex? Am I the one who causes all that destruction in 2012? Did the Mayans in their 2012 end of the world prophecies (which don't exist) say that a male virgin would appear who would be told he has a small dick by crazy women responding to a science fiction article and that for the world to live he must not have sex at all costs? (If that's the case send me the evidence. If it checks out, I won't have sex ever. I'm willing to do that for the world.)
Getting back to the point, I'm getting a lot of "DON'T DO IT" for various quarters. Whether I am supposedly "selling myself short" or that I should "wait for love and not lose it with a skank" or that the whole thing will "confuse me", etc. it's all the same. Without some practical knowledge, this is just saying "never have sex in your life". If that is what you want to say then SAY IT. Anything like that is not helpful since what are "better" women and how do I reasonably find them? Don't say church. I will take you to lots of Catholic churches and point out all of the unmarried couples having sex. I can do the same with other conservative churches such as the Southern Baptists too. What you are really saying is that I should convert to some ultra-conservative faith and marry an 18 year old. That wouldn't happen since despite being fairly conservative myself I would look like a progressive radical hippie, and they would think something is wrong with me for being 31 and never married.
Just because a woman is politically conservative does not mean that she is sexually conservative so don't tell me that either. Several years ago I read an article about documenting this, but I can't find it now. I have direct experience with this scenario. Kristen, one of the women I'm seeing, is a fairly hardcore conservative woman. Since you're reading my blog you know that it didn't stop her from wanting to have sex right away.
Frankly, I find this lecturing on sexual morality (whether its waiting for marriage or love) to be hypocritical from most of you. There are some who can legitimately do that like Hestia, but most of you are in no position to do so. You're not so pure. There's no reason why I and I alone should be some paragon of "purity".
As for being worried about STDs being "unhealthy", shouldn't I take my health seriously? If I tried to find any virginal women, they would be way too young. Unfortunately, this is the reality on the ground. What you are saying is that I should never have sex. If you want to say that, then JUST SAY IT.
Many of you are worried that I will expose your pretty lies if I continue this experiment especially if I have sex. You might get lucky, but probably not. I'm on to your attempts to stop it. Chances are I will discover that there is no difference between being a virgin and not, that virgins know as much as non-virgins, that losing your virginity doesn't make your more successful, etc. I can tell when this is your real motive.
And for those of you trying to build some tortured explanation why I'm unique so you can continue to believe your pretty lies, it will be a lot easier to admit you're wrong.
That being said if you have something meaningful to say I'm willing to listen. Just remember that platitudes aren't helpful, and I can analyze your motives. Also remember I'm dealing with the reality on the ground. If you want to say that I shouldn't have sex ever, I won't be insulted. I just ask that you give some reasoning (that doesn't have me questioning your motives) and most importantly SAY IT DIRECTLY.
14 comments:
I just don't think it's fair to lose your virginity to a non-virgin woman, double standard.
BUT, that's the reality we live in, go with it.
Also, keep us updated on how this goes.
I just don't think it's fair to lose your virginity to a non-virgin woman, double standard.
That's the tip of the iceberg in double standards in this subject. I'm more concerned about this double standard that everyone else goes off and has sex in Western society even when it goes against their religion and/or set of morals they claim to believe in, yet I'm supposed to remain some paragon of purity for no other reason than I'm me.
" If I tried to find any virginal women, they would be way too young. "
It depends on circumstances.
If you're willing to travel, you can find virgins.
Probably you're not willing to travel.
Also, bear in mind that a lot of nearly virginal women are out there, e.g. women who have had sex perhaps only once.
I once dated a woman who was a recovering rape survivor. She took a lot of time to decide to get intimate, but she wanted to get intimate, she just needed a patient man who would not flip out while she re-lived a few disturbing memories and made her peace with them. She was not technically a virgin, but in some ways she was a lot less experienced than other girls who had experienced sex.
If you're willing to travel, you can find virgins.
Travel where? The only places I can think of to find virginal women would all be places where they get married off by the time they're 19.
Also, bear in mind that a lot of nearly virginal women are out there, e.g. women who have had sex perhaps only once.
I doubt there are even that many of that kind of women either. And even then I would be pushing the lower limit of any reasonable age range.
Remember I'm 31.
Ok, this post made me laugh. If your choices are travel to Shangri-La to look for a virgin (why this is important in this day and age I have no idea, other than the probability of you getting entangled with a virgin that can actually pair bond and mess with your life) seek out a semi-virginal rape victim or sleep with a slut, your better off just going with whats available and cheap.
It's kind of like telling a guy that is going to try alcohol for the first time that he shouldn't drink the Budweiser for the first time with his buddies, but instead head out to a foreign country and try $200.00 scotch if he can find it.
Just go with the bud.
My personal opinion though is that the whole process has already changed you and is making your wiser in a sense.
I have a never been kissed little sister...;o) I kid, I kid. At twenty one and still in school, she'd be a little young for you and wouldn't appreciate me advertising her on the internet. haha.
Kidding aside, this reminds me of people's obsession with the fact I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life. Some get really bent of out shape about this, just as they did the virginity thing, and try to get me to do as they do. They ask a zillion different questions, such as "you really had a dry wedding?!" as if this is so outrageous not only considering my Baptist family but also the fact I was just eighteen on my wedding day. LOL.
Others hypocritically encourage me to the point I'd be berated if I dared to take so much as a taste of wine. Even my husband would despite the fact he's had a beer with his friends on numerous occasions.
The alcohol reactions are strikingly similar to the fascination with my sex life, of lack thereof art one point. Even now, there are those who also have a creepy fascination with my sex life, demanding answers about why I would have married my husband despite his past, how I ever managed to figure out how sex works, and if I regret only being with my husband. The list goes on and on. You should hear what I've been asked when my husband is deployed!
We're also starting to hear the opinions of everyone and anyone about the fact we have an only child. Just yesterday my husband had some dumb female soldier advise him we're spoiling our daughter by only having her. She then yelled to everyone in the room they need to make us have another one. She and everybody else involved has absolutely no idea we've gone through four miscarriages, a son who died in utero at seventeen/eighteen weeks gestation, and that our daughter was born at thirty five weeks before we finally learned I have a blood clotting disorder that causes all of this.
My point with all that long-winded spiel is that people are rude and creepy when it comes to many things in life, especially anything that involves religion and/or morality or radically different life choices. It's annoying and frustrating, that is for sure, especially when they are lacking crucial info as to why you've done y or z or have never walked a mile in your shoes and choose not to try to see where you might be coming from. Too bad they don't seem to realize how annoying their actions are nor how misguided their attempts at changing a person's choice might be.
Mr. Tech:
I'd be happy if
a) you were happy.
b) you wanted to do it.
c) you didn't find a real reason to regret your choice.
Think of all the possible outcomes, however unlikely, and do a risk-benefit analysis. Keep in mind still that it's okay if you enjoy it and explore and women have more of a role in your life, that does not make you a roissy. It does make you a male expressing his natural sexual/mating desires (although you could have a low sex drive and/or supreme self-control cerebrally.) Conversely, if it's a bad experience or one you're indifferent to, that it does not mean sex is a write off. It does make you a man who's a connoisseur rather than a gourmand, psychologically needing to be pleased over simply physically.
Anyway. Did you stop to think about all the people (on the Internet) who love that you're a virgin? Did you, Mr. Tech? Did you?!
(I'm messing with you.)
@Bhetti
although you could have a low sex drive
Bhetti, trust me I don't have a low sex drive. I don't know I have an average or a high sex drive, but it isn't low. I can say that with certainty.
Anyway. Did you stop to think about all the people (on the Internet) who love that you're a virgin? Did you, Mr. Tech? Did you?!
(I'm messing with you.)
I know you're messing with me, but the problem is the people who say these types of things and aren't. On the one hand you have "don't lose your virginity with a skank or it will break my heart" (that's a direct quote from someone) crowd. Those people are treating me like I'm some sort of idol of "purity". I don't exist to be their idol. Then there are the idiots who don't want their pretty lies that say that a man losing his virginity somehow is "improved" shattered who don't want me having sex and exposing their pretty lies for the frauds those lies are. Then you have the mirror reflection of that group who want me to have sex because they believe I will prove their pretty lies correct. There are other points of view, but there just as screwed up as these three.
I'm losing sight of what I want, and that's a problem. What all these points of view have in common is that they pedestalize virginity to such a degree that they believe its somehow part of my personality. It's not. All it means is that I haven't had sex yet. That's it. It doesn't mean that improvement takes place or that I lose my connection with God when/if I lose my virginity.
You, Hestia, and a couple of others beside myself are the only ones not screwed up about this.
'Travel where? The only places I can think of to find virginal women would all be places where they get married off by the time they're 19.
...
I doubt there are even that many of that kind of women either. And even then I would be pushing the lower limit of any reasonable age range.
Remember I'm 31.'
31-year-old guy with 18-year-old woman is not controversial in most places.
Taiwan is a little country also known as the Republic of China. They are not the Commie Chinese who build your iPod.
Taiwan, outside the capital city of Taibei, has a lot of eligible bachelorettes, who are either virginal or very, very good at hiding previous encounters.
Taibei girls are more like American girls, but with a bit more class and less of a chip.
Bear in mind that Taiwan is not for everyone, and love is never easy. In particular, I suspect that if you were to meet a virgin, you might first be pressured for sex, and then pressured for marriage.
" Frankly, I find this lecturing on sexual morality (whether its waiting for marriage or love) to be hypocritical from most of you. There are some who can legitimately do that like Hestia, but most of you are in no position to do so. You're not so pure. There's no reason why I and I alone should be some paragon of "purity".
Come one, Pm, who is a paragon of virtue, eh?
Certainly not I!
Yes, when I first married, I was a virgin..
I thought my marriage would last forever..
It didn't!(I explained why on Marky Mark'S BLOG SOME TIME AGO)
Two years later I met my wonderful husband.. I have never looked back.
However, as a Catholic who takes her faith very seriously.. I am ashamed to say that although I did not indulge in sex with another man until I met my second husband I masturbated daily in those two years..
I am certainly no paragon of virtue!!
I AM WEAK.
Kathy Farrelly.
. " Chances are I will discover that there is no difference between being a virgin and not, that virgins know as much as non-virgins, that losing your virginity doesn't make your more successful, etc."
My dear PM, I totally agree!
@Kathy
The problem is that I'm getting a lot of advice from the "wait for someone special" crowd that isn't described realistically. It's fine to say wait for someone special/wait until you're married except if you are reading this blog you know that getting married in the West is a trap now and the likelihood of finding someone otherwise suitably "special" is dropping like a rock for the same reasons. What this really means is never have sex ever. If you're going to effectively take that point of view, don't beat around the bush with flowery language like "wait for someone special". Talk about the reality on the ground.
Hi Pro-Male Anti-Feminist Tech,
I'm a year younger than you and still a virgin. I don't let that bother me. Oh, and by the way, if it's a factor, I'm a (native) Asian guy.
For me, it's a 2-factor thing, dealing with living in a Western country, and being a guy who likes Caucasian women. I have to both face the fact that I am considered asexual, while at the same time creepy for wanting to be with someone who hasn't had sex either before -- and cockblocking from Caucasian people does not help either.
But enough about me... what are my reasons for staying a virgin (Thanks, but I don't do masturbation -- again, has to do with the authenticity of my feelings)?
1) I'm able to speak with conviction to my children/clone that I didn't have sex out of wedlock and therefore had more authentic feelings for my wife (sorry, I don't believe in the idea of sex before marriage... and I'm mostly an atheist... fun eh)
2) Sex with too many people means that you are less able to commit to another person - you are always looking for the bigger better deal.
3) Women your age are going to have a lot of mental/emotional baggage to deal with. You will be expected to pay compensation (figuratively) for all the previous crappy relationships she's had.
4) It's not fair on you to be dealing with someone who isn't a virgin... it's like dealing with a card hustler who only turned honest because they had no cards left to play.
5) You will be exposing yourself to plenty of diseases, and the apologists attempting to normalise STDs.
6) If you think Asian girls are the better choice, I need to remind you that a lot of Asian girls like to conduct their relationships clandestinely so they can break it off with no penalty or social opprobium.
7) How sure are you, in the case of Asian girls, that you are liked for you and not because you're Caucasian (I'm making an assumption here)
8) You will be heavily criticised, and have your heart smashed when dealing with women of a younger age (I know, I'm still dealing with the pain of that). Not enough of them have the wisdom to realise that "losers" are the men many of them choose to surrender their youth, beauty and emotions to - just because they were wanted/had bedded other women...
9) Remember, as George Burns said, A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
10) Improve yourself, and find solace in your responsibilities. I don't even know if the list I have just made up is meant to console you, or me. But strive for satisfaction outside of sex -- you do not want your emotions in turmoil when your absolute concentration is required.
All the best with your search. May the fates productively lead our lives, and gently guide us towards those who can appreciate us.
P. Ray
'7) How sure are you, in the case of Asian girls, that you are liked for you and not because you're Caucasian (I'm making an assumption here)
8) You will be heavily criticised, and have your heart smashed when dealing with women of a younger age'
That might be true for men who have intact hearts. My heart has already been smashed by white girls. So Asian lasses are welcome to take a crack at my emotions - I'm pretty jaded - so long as they understand I'm not going to change for them.
'6) If you think Asian girls are the better choice, I need to remind you that a lot of Asian girls like to conduct their relationships clandestinely so they can break it off with no penalty or social opprobrium.'
Hey, Asian women are still women! They are sneaky, fickle, two-faced - they're women, after all. If you can do without them, obviously you save yourself headaches by staying alone.
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